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I think the 20th century made the whole story upand we bought it because it suited us. Couples need to figure out their sexual needs and wants, communicate them and perhaps put down their phones for a while. But for the past 60 years, we in the west have been quite sure we know best: I was in my 20s, and quite happy to share erotic stories with my then husband, about innocent virgins and their seduction. They watch their idols in the same way that teenage boys watch James Bond and hope one day to be just like him. The great thing about the Internet is, if someone says something that offends you, you can simply let the person know you are not interested in further chats.

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And what if he could see what was in my head?

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Nowadays, for people who have been married for a long time, sex is the minefield that separates them. The truth is some are like that, but quite a lot of them, I can tell you, are painfully shy guys who break out in sweats at the thought of even speaking to a girl. And the fertility rate —the frequency at which babies are added to the population—is at a level not seen since the Great Depression. What if he knew I was thinking of a scene from a Japanese pornographic movie I saw yonks ago? Erotic love, on the other hand, is about wanting something. Or is he just away with the fairies? All of this, Twenge believes, may be leading to a generation of young people who are not interested in partnering up, who are moving away from pair bonding into the sexual equivalent of a gig economy.

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